Duru was super pissed off. He had just learnt from the learned men the cause of such bad things happening in his life.
A couple of people, one of them his own grandfather, was writing everything down, literally controlling the proceedings.
Shaking with rage he stormed into the forest where the two of them were at their work.
"Wtf are you people doing?" asked Duru, "how can you script and control my life?
How can you write your own story? what kind of causality is this?"
Vyasa, suppressing a giggle looked at Ganesha who had been his able scribe for many a day.
Said Ganesha "We are just having a little fun ok? Being immortal is omg boring ok? This one time we could control stuff instead of Brahma and we took the best use of it ok?"
"At what cost?", Bellowed Duru. "Seriously man, I never wanted to be a baddie, agreed I was kind of greedy etc but most of the time it was like stuff happening by themselves. If everything is written down, whats the role of me? Am I supposed to make any decisions? The more I think about it, the more f-ed up i feel"
"Just chill", said Vyasa, "lifes not that bad ok? Imagine if we made you share your wife with 99 other people? you get to enjoy your prime in the palace and as king. And predictably you get screwed in the end by which time Pandavas are anyway old. Shouldn't you be happy?"
"But why all this war? Why should I try to disrobe another woman? why should I kill my own cousins?"
"see in order to teach values, there has to be a bad person ok? it cant be helped, why dont you go back and plot something wicked ok?"
"But if everything is pre-determined whats the point of everything? Is there any concept of charting your own course? This religion sucks"
"I think hes speaking too much, lets show him some pain", observed the wise Vyasa.
"Oh yeah? you want me to show you pain?" asked Duru, as he raised his mace to strike a blow on Ganesha
"U never understand do you?" said Vyasa, "Your part and parcel of Mahabharata, couldnt you figure out that this was also written?"
"And since Duru got provoked and misbehaved we have reason to screw him now ok?,
you were supposed to become a nice guy in the end and everyone lives happily ever after."
"Hey Vyas I got a really sexy climax ok?"
"Duru becomes a W.Indies cricket player?" quipped Vyasa."Or Himesh?"
"lol no no something more wicked. Duru is reborn as Sarkosy ok?"
"Dude please man, I quit I ll just go away now, and do what you want and go on and screw me", said Duru.
"aww, cry baby, k we ll remove this episode from the big story, you shall never know you are being "written"".
As Duru disappeared into thin air and teleported back to his mama's house,
Ganesha refilled the Ink in his tusk and opened a packet of little hearts biscuit.
"This is helluva fun ok?"
Friday, September 25, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Startling news
The budding times of india team along with India tv has uncovered yet another startling truth. A.R.Rahman is Waheeda Rehman's son.
YES you are reading it right. There is the resemblance and there is the common surname.
A little digging deep by the reputed Times of India team (that is us) has led to the following freaking facts:
1)1991: The year Waheeda Rehman took a break from movies, A.R.Rahman came into movies. Coincidence?
2)Her come back movie Water had guess who had the music director?
3)Her most critically aclaimed movies where she gives her best have been Rang De Basanti and Delhi 6
4)They both have same surname.. It is a great deception that she she thought she could get off with it just by changing an "e" to an "a"
5)A.R.Rahmans speech about his mother. Was he yearning for unrequited love?
You be the judge, and TOI is proud to say it has successfully tarnished the image of yet another hero of the Indian soil.
Kudos Kudos to TOI team
YES you are reading it right. There is the resemblance and there is the common surname.
A little digging deep by the reputed Times of India team (that is us) has led to the following freaking facts:
1)1991: The year Waheeda Rehman took a break from movies, A.R.Rahman came into movies. Coincidence?
2)Her come back movie Water had guess who had the music director?
3)Her most critically aclaimed movies where she gives her best have been Rang De Basanti and Delhi 6
4)They both have same surname.. It is a great deception that she she thought she could get off with it just by changing an "e" to an "a"
5)A.R.Rahmans speech about his mother. Was he yearning for unrequited love?
You be the judge, and TOI is proud to say it has successfully tarnished the image of yet another hero of the Indian soil.
Kudos Kudos to TOI team
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Kalpakkam
a wise man, an old man was walking down a lonely path through the woods when he met a wise owl around a 100 years of age he asked the owl "oh old wise one whose seen the length and breadth of this great earth, what is worse than staying at kalpakkam?"the owl winked his great round eyes and replied in a deep voice "sitting in a desert with no water and just a male camel for a companion", To which old man asked " that is sadder in deed but whats more sad than that?"
The owl raised his huge wings flapped them with great force and as he flew away
whispered "Kalpakkam".
The owl raised his huge wings flapped them with great force and as he flew away
whispered "Kalpakkam".
Saturday, May 30, 2009
chemicals & fertilizer
Bringing you the word to word of what happened in the press meet organized by the new chemicals and fertilizer minister.
Honorable minister : AG
press persons : P
Maran : M
P:Hello mister AG. Congrats on getting the coveted cabinet ministership.
AG: I not education much. Still you all call bad word I easy understand. I have fat wood logs to hit everyone.
Maran: (translates what they actually said in Tamil)
AG:Oh sorry very thank you.
Maran:As Mr.Ag cant talk loudly today I will act as his mouthpiece.
P:Sir, do you think you are qualified enough to be a minister?
Maran (4 AG): I have lived life with chemicals be it ethanol or TNT. You might have heard the PM saying the cabinet has been chosen on merit. He meant my case more than anyone else's.
P:What do you plan to do in next five years?
Maran reluctantly (4 AG): Er.. He plans to ask for tamil being "super" classical language status. Also 1 rupee fertilizers and fertilizers in fancy colors to encourage farmers to use them.
P:But sir, tamil and chemicals? what is the connection?
Maran:If you go back to the ramayana, it is written that Lord Sri Rama had used chemical weapons to bring rain and even make the whole ocean dry up. In fact he possesed atomic weapons. All this happened in tamil nadu -- srilanka border.
P:Its the best ever analysis we have ever seen. Anyway, we thought Rama did not exist? He suddenly does?
Maran:No he does not exist when we are talking about the sethusamudram project. Do not confuse.
AG:All questions finished. Good minister me. India number one in chemical under me.
Honorable minister : AG
press persons : P
Maran : M
P:Hello mister AG. Congrats on getting the coveted cabinet ministership.
AG: I not education much. Still you all call bad word I easy understand. I have fat wood logs to hit everyone.
Maran: (translates what they actually said in Tamil)
AG:Oh sorry very thank you.
Maran:As Mr.Ag cant talk loudly today I will act as his mouthpiece.
P:Sir, do you think you are qualified enough to be a minister?
Maran (4 AG): I have lived life with chemicals be it ethanol or TNT. You might have heard the PM saying the cabinet has been chosen on merit. He meant my case more than anyone else's.
P:What do you plan to do in next five years?
Maran reluctantly (4 AG): Er.. He plans to ask for tamil being "super" classical language status. Also 1 rupee fertilizers and fertilizers in fancy colors to encourage farmers to use them.
P:But sir, tamil and chemicals? what is the connection?
Maran:If you go back to the ramayana, it is written that Lord Sri Rama had used chemical weapons to bring rain and even make the whole ocean dry up. In fact he possesed atomic weapons. All this happened in tamil nadu -- srilanka border.
P:Its the best ever analysis we have ever seen. Anyway, we thought Rama did not exist? He suddenly does?
Maran:No he does not exist when we are talking about the sethusamudram project. Do not confuse.
AG:All questions finished. Good minister me. India number one in chemical under me.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
oh so average
STORY:
Frankly speaking, no one would want to write my story, because nothing really happened. I have never been the hero in anything except of course the story am writing now. My moment of glory.
Except, once upon a time when I was born, youngest of three, to two not so ordinary people. Ambition should have run in my blood. They were extremely good-looking people and pretty successful in their fields, the specifics of which don't concern us right now. I probably was born with the wrong mixture of the genes, making me look average and not very bright.
Ah, the point is I was not great at anything, not even writing this story.
After the age of three, all the doubts about my IQ vanished and my capabilities or the lack of it were quite clear. I was not great in acads nor in sports and its obvious I wasnt great with girls either.
Naturally I screwed up a lot, much to the embarrassment of my dad and mum. It was not like I didnt try.
They said I didnt aim high, that I operated within my limitations and was content with a B- when my siblings managed an easy A or A-.
This trend obviously continued through my life, not going that extra mile, not wresting opportunities, you might think I was lazy, but it was a mixture of resigning to fate and a lack of love of big things I would say. ~You will never understand~
I of course got married and it is ridiculous on your part if you thought she would understand me. She didnt. My kids didnt, but thankfully the so called Indian heritage helped me keep my marriage intact.
You might think am a loser, leading a depressed lonely life. Well, thats miles away from the truth.
My brother and sis, my kids,my wife party, roam around the world, meet loads of people and are supposed to be enjoying their life. You would also be someone like that. They celebrate power.
I am just happy being happy, celebrate every other passing day, I so live life and guess what, am never sad.
Frankly speaking, no one would want to write my story, because nothing really happened. I have never been the hero in anything except of course the story am writing now. My moment of glory.
Except, once upon a time when I was born, youngest of three, to two not so ordinary people. Ambition should have run in my blood. They were extremely good-looking people and pretty successful in their fields, the specifics of which don't concern us right now. I probably was born with the wrong mixture of the genes, making me look average and not very bright.
Ah, the point is I was not great at anything, not even writing this story.
After the age of three, all the doubts about my IQ vanished and my capabilities or the lack of it were quite clear. I was not great in acads nor in sports and its obvious I wasnt great with girls either.
Naturally I screwed up a lot, much to the embarrassment of my dad and mum. It was not like I didnt try.
They said I didnt aim high, that I operated within my limitations and was content with a B- when my siblings managed an easy A or A-.
This trend obviously continued through my life, not going that extra mile, not wresting opportunities, you might think I was lazy, but it was a mixture of resigning to fate and a lack of love of big things I would say. ~You will never understand~
I of course got married and it is ridiculous on your part if you thought she would understand me. She didnt. My kids didnt, but thankfully the so called Indian heritage helped me keep my marriage intact.
You might think am a loser, leading a depressed lonely life. Well, thats miles away from the truth.
My brother and sis, my kids,my wife party, roam around the world, meet loads of people and are supposed to be enjoying their life. You would also be someone like that. They celebrate power.
I am just happy being happy, celebrate every other passing day, I so live life and guess what, am never sad.
Friday, December 19, 2008
no proof no proof
This is a hypothetical interview with the head of state of an imaginary country. Any resemblances to clowns in real life is purely coincidental and there IS NO PROOF.
We have with us in our studios Mr. Passive Pali Pardari the head of state of our neighbouring country and with him the chief editor of the esteemed news papers, "early morning, afternoon, evening, late night etc" in this edition of devil's advocate.
Me Karan :K
HE Passive Pali Pardari:PPP
Chief Editor:CE
K:MrPardari thanks for coming to our show.
PPP:there is no proof that they are from my country.
K:Sir, we have not yet asked that question anyways first things first lets agree on talking logically
CF:Your country is curtailing our fundamental rights by asking us to speak logically.
K:!@#?
You claim there is no proof that Kasab is not from your country although his parents have said hes their son
PPP:There is absolutely no proof about anything. As soon as proof comes we will act.
K:Ok lets change topic what do you think about the Mohammad Asif incidents?
PPP:there is no proof hes a Pak...
CF:(whispers in his ear) sir hes a cricket player who plays for our country, dont make a fool of your self.
PPP:Oh okok :( Hes from our country only.
K:After the hijacking of IC814 we had released Moulana Mazood azar which means that obviously hes a terrorist. Isnt that proof enough for him to be tried?
CF:Its a conspiracy by Mossad RAW and FBI to defame freedom struggle.
K:I wish I was interviewing Jayalalitha she at least got angry when cornered instead of coolly crapping bullshit :(
Anyways Mr. Pardari the boats that were recovered had loads of goods from your country what do you say for this?
PPP:Laughs to himself.. you never give up do you. We can explain anything.
The goods were stolen by RAW agents and stored in a dinghy. There is no proof.
Seriously, no one even knows how my wife was killed, there is still controversy on whether there was a bullet, we said no post mortem. There is no proof.
K:The rest of the show is yours tell whatever you wanna say.
PPP:We extend all support to India. I heard there is an ISI in India also seen it in many products from here. We can work together in destroying terrorism. We want proof. We also want cricket money and all.
K:Thanks for being in this show sir, guess "we want proof" is the new "that is a DLF maximum six".
This episode is being re telecast on america's funniest videos on vijay tv. Cheers
We have with us in our studios Mr. Passive Pali Pardari the head of state of our neighbouring country and with him the chief editor of the esteemed news papers, "early morning, afternoon, evening, late night etc" in this edition of devil's advocate.
Me Karan :K
HE Passive Pali Pardari:PPP
Chief Editor:CE
K:MrPardari thanks for coming to our show.
PPP:there is no proof that they are from my country.
K:Sir, we have not yet asked that question anyways first things first lets agree on talking logically
CF:Your country is curtailing our fundamental rights by asking us to speak logically.
K:!@#?
You claim there is no proof that Kasab is not from your country although his parents have said hes their son
PPP:There is absolutely no proof about anything. As soon as proof comes we will act.
K:Ok lets change topic what do you think about the Mohammad Asif incidents?
PPP:there is no proof hes a Pak...
CF:(whispers in his ear) sir hes a cricket player who plays for our country, dont make a fool of your self.
PPP:Oh okok :( Hes from our country only.
K:After the hijacking of IC814 we had released Moulana Mazood azar which means that obviously hes a terrorist. Isnt that proof enough for him to be tried?
CF:Its a conspiracy by Mossad RAW and FBI to defame freedom struggle.
K:I wish I was interviewing Jayalalitha she at least got angry when cornered instead of coolly crapping bullshit :(
Anyways Mr. Pardari the boats that were recovered had loads of goods from your country what do you say for this?
PPP:Laughs to himself.. you never give up do you. We can explain anything.
The goods were stolen by RAW agents and stored in a dinghy. There is no proof.
Seriously, no one even knows how my wife was killed, there is still controversy on whether there was a bullet, we said no post mortem. There is no proof.
K:The rest of the show is yours tell whatever you wanna say.
PPP:We extend all support to India. I heard there is an ISI in India also seen it in many products from here. We can work together in destroying terrorism. We want proof. We also want cricket money and all.
K:Thanks for being in this show sir, guess "we want proof" is the new "that is a DLF maximum six".
This episode is being re telecast on america's funniest videos on vijay tv. Cheers
Sunday, November 30, 2008
its called intelligence for a reason
Burning outrage has been one familiar mood in Indian dressing rooms for around a week now. We have all been watching CNN IBN and NDTV instead of Kolangal, Maanaada Mayilada , Roadies and other such high IQ programs.
Much has been written about whatever has happened and I thought I will write something about what to do next instead of blaming home ministers and their second cousins.
a) There is no way we are going to convince eighteen year olds who have been soaked in Anti-India fervor since the time they were inside the womb, so those people who are speaking about peace, please take a one way ticket to somewhere like Switzerland.
We need to do something fast about POK where there are advanced courses and PHD offered in myriad fields of warfare. I understand they had used lakes to practice riding catamarans.
b)This is one thing that has puzzled me the most for a long time. I have read in Digital Fortress about the use of Stunt Guns to temporarily paralyze people. I guess its not TOO costly. I really cant fathom why its not used against terrorists
i)You can fire indiscriminately and not worry about injuring innocent people
11)You get live terrorists who can sing songs about where they came from and we can show the world the credibility of Pakistan's war on terror.
We use tranquilizers to catch wild animals like Elephants. The one reason they did not do that for Veerapan was I thought because some black specs uncles did not want him caught alive.
c)I guess Its called intelligence for a reason. (Yes I have managed to write the title somewhere)
But I have serious doubts about what RAW is upto. And I cant restrain myself to point out the ironical pun.
This organization is either too good that a reasonably well informed person like me doesnt even know what the recruitment procedure is or its just another wing of the screwed up Indian bureaucracy.
Its claimed they knew they were coming from the sea and might attack some star hotels.
But can we compare ourselves to a Mozzad or a CIA or an FBI? The US has 4 such agencies one each for a purpose.
I am sure RAW would have given many a false warning that the police would have not taken this one too seriously.
High time something serious was done or otherwise the "spirit of India" will just get used to living with bombs like we live with power cuts corruption and garbage.
Lets hope the value of our lives isn't a joke.
Much has been written about whatever has happened and I thought I will write something about what to do next instead of blaming home ministers and their second cousins.
a) There is no way we are going to convince eighteen year olds who have been soaked in Anti-India fervor since the time they were inside the womb, so those people who are speaking about peace, please take a one way ticket to somewhere like Switzerland.
We need to do something fast about POK where there are advanced courses and PHD offered in myriad fields of warfare. I understand they had used lakes to practice riding catamarans.
b)This is one thing that has puzzled me the most for a long time. I have read in Digital Fortress about the use of Stunt Guns to temporarily paralyze people. I guess its not TOO costly. I really cant fathom why its not used against terrorists
i)You can fire indiscriminately and not worry about injuring innocent people
11)You get live terrorists who can sing songs about where they came from and we can show the world the credibility of Pakistan's war on terror.
We use tranquilizers to catch wild animals like Elephants. The one reason they did not do that for Veerapan was I thought because some black specs uncles did not want him caught alive.
c)I guess Its called intelligence for a reason. (Yes I have managed to write the title somewhere)
But I have serious doubts about what RAW is upto. And I cant restrain myself to point out the ironical pun.
This organization is either too good that a reasonably well informed person like me doesnt even know what the recruitment procedure is or its just another wing of the screwed up Indian bureaucracy.
Its claimed they knew they were coming from the sea and might attack some star hotels.
But can we compare ourselves to a Mozzad or a CIA or an FBI? The US has 4 such agencies one each for a purpose.
I am sure RAW would have given many a false warning that the police would have not taken this one too seriously.
High time something serious was done or otherwise the "spirit of India" will just get used to living with bombs like we live with power cuts corruption and garbage.
Lets hope the value of our lives isn't a joke.
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