tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-76805201649088850982024-03-14T11:02:44.318+05:30the perfect shade of bluethe perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-43987299038193734942010-12-11T11:37:00.003+05:302010-12-11T12:58:46.871+05:30Danny Ocean Part V: what the fuck is happening?Danny was on the boil.<br />How could a vegetable oil bus just push off like that? <br />He had gone back to get some oil, and the bus was gone.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Irrelevant character introduction alert!</span><br />He turned to see Walkit walking towards him. She had a copy of twilight with a highlight marker. Could the day just turn worse?<br />Danny tried to hide, but where? Under the snow? <br />She walked straight to him and said, "you have got mail Danny". <br />She was now incharge of mail in Chapin and had slowly started inventing her own mails. <br />"Acha so I ordered twilight and a highlighter?", "Yes Danny", said Walkit. "If you want ask this tree, he works with me in the mailroom and hes my new best friend" as she pointed to a nearby tree. "Hes really funny and I love spending time with this tree".<br /><br />"Thats pretty cool" said Danny, "thanks for your thoughtful mail, suitable for men. Just wondering, are you sure this is a male tree?"<br />He left Walkit wondering if she had by mistake made friends with a female(tree). <br />I will tell you someday why Walkit hates women. This story after all, is about her old best friend, Danny Ocean.<br />Danny crossed the road to walk towards SAC, he had practice doing that because the buses never came in time anyway. Drivers would prefer going round and round south P but made a big fuss about waiting that extra 10 seconds to take you to an important class. This was not India where drivers are disobedient(read sensible). Invariably he had walked the 20 minutes to college every other day.<br /><br />The beauty about walking in aweful subzero temperature is this. Its painful for the first 10 minutes. After that you dont feel a damn thing. You might never will but as they say, the mission was important.<br />Danny walked thru the Hospital, whose downward going escalator alone was running. There was a photo of Sarah Palin in the main lobby, so Danny did not bother to question the absence of logic in the damn place. If he took the pains to do it, he would have wondered aloud about why Stony Brook needed such a massive Hospital complete with an airstrip. Apparently this building had inspired Ambani to build his grotesque Antilia to take revenge on Mumbai Indians and everyone else who lived outside mumbai(like biharis). Whoever had the misfortune of seeing the medusa like structure went back to Bihar which made people think this was actually MNS which had built this.<br /><br />Harry you digress somuch yelled Danny to me, I need to continue on my mission.<br />And so he did... There were happy looking people outside the CS building.. hmm weird.<br />there were men outside bioengineering.. was he feeling fine?.. and finally SAC had the freaking green bus just pulling up near the bus stop. But the Inner loop bus stop.<br /><br />There is no Innerloop bus during holidays, nor is there a green bus at these troubled times, when you dont even get vegetable.<br /><br />He stormed to the bus and heard the driver say, " use the back door please".<br />Did he hear it right? No student had ever been allowed to enter thru the back door of a bus. Drivers used to get unusually possessive about you entering their virgin bus behind their back.<br />Here was someone telling him to do just that. Danny raced in thru the back door before the driver could change his mind. He was gonna be the first one to ever do it. There was a reason why it was forbidden. When you tell Pandora dont open the box, what does she do?the perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-38399722268463195842010-12-01T05:47:00.002+05:302010-12-01T06:13:15.365+05:30Danny ocean -- part 4<span style="font-style:italic;">ah, ku kux clan. cmon there was no 4th kkk everyone knows that</span><br />Thats why it was called the "secret" ku kux clan!<br />Let me continue. 1982 was the year Sarah Jessica Parker started acting. The world would not be the same again. Her posters were all over stony brook and even the gods seemed to be angry that she pretended she was gorgeous.<br /><span style="font-style:italic;">"Can I use your bathroom?"</span> asked Danny. The juice seems to be bothering me. <br />Ofcourse said Chen. One of them doesnt have heat. So you might want to wear your sweater.<br />Danny rushed to the toilet locked himself up. He needed time to think. WTF was all this bullshit she was saying? it seemed to be so contrived and convoluted. Could it be true?<br />He had had enough. He opened the door and in one fluid motion ran out of the apartment into the blizzard. It was white all around, he wanted cry because it was so freaking cold he couldnt even feel his privates, he wanted to smile because it reminded him of a robert 'frost' poem he had read in gay men anonymous.<br />There was no time to decide whether to smile or cry though. He needed to do it. and do it he would.<br />He raced of in the general direction of Chapin Commons. He would take a left and catch the Chapin bus.<br />There was a torture session going on in the Commons. Every two weeks, people got together and in the name of lecture, performed untellable cruelty on Chapin residents gullible enough to attend the lecture for pizza. What pleasure they got in this noone knew, but people from developing nations who fell for pizza were tricked into this.<br />He loved pizza. But no time for that now. He ran past the common room window play, and caught a glimpse of some of his friends crying. <br /> <br />Chapin Bus Stop. Bus in 15 minutes(supposedly). He glanced at the posters stuck there. Landlord prefers the Asians! 10 sqr feet room in Port Jeff. 5 ppl can start comfortably. Chinese preferred. the rest was in mandarin anyway.<br />After what seemed an eternity, the Green bus as against the normal red one arrived.<br />It was painfully slow and labored to a stop almost outside chapin entrance instead of the bus stop. Danny could almost hear fate giggling. He ran to the bus. Agony is bad in the beginning, then you get used to it!<br />Just as he was about to enter, the driver said, "You cant board this bus" <br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Why not?</span> <br />"Cause this bus runs on vegetable oil". <br />I love vegetable oil.<br />"even I do but thats the problem. Apparently a third guy seems to love it more than us. Someone stole all the packets last night. and theres no more oil left".<br />I have some left in my room said Danny, and raced off to fetch the oil. Life was so pathetic, it had become funny!<br />---to be continuedthe perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-6290832571675778752010-11-02T02:22:00.002+05:302010-11-02T02:54:07.337+05:30Danny Ocean Part 3ur kiddin me right? asked Danny, He was hoping she was not serious, but there was no rationale behind what happened at Chapin.<br />The living conditions resembled those back home in India. Even that was fine, anyway Chapin provided cheap housing. But no one could explain why<br />1)The sprinklers were on, late summer, torturing incoming grad students. There was rumor that it was some kind of torture developed by indigenous tribes of the rain forests. <br />2)Why did the Chapin bus go round and round South P Lot<br />3)Why does the Chapin bus go at all to south P lot.<br />4)number 2<br />5)number 3<br />6)Why is Chapin so far from the campus that Chicago is closer than Stony Brook University?<br />7)Why are Chapin walls made of tissue paper?<br /><br />These seven points had many a bright mind baffled. Noone dared to ask. The vice president of Chapin(the same dude every year) did not allow questions to be asked!<br /><br />Chen continued. It was 1985 I was a freshman here still coming to terms with eating with a spoon. Thats when I met my dream guy. <br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">CHARACTER INTRODUCTION ALERT!!!!!</span><br />Thats relevant because? asked Danny, in the politest tone, trying to make sure he dint annoy Chen.<br />Chen closed her eyes, as her lips broke into a gentle smile and abruptly turned into a scowl.<br />Ya hes irrelevant, I caught him watching mallu porn one day, traitor! In our society your supposed to watch only Hentai.<br /><br />Where were we? <br />1985<br />Oh yea 1985! Harry S Chapin, does that name sound familiar to you?<br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Oh yes! the last four letters form apin?</span><br />No dodo Chapin is the apartment you live in. Oh ya, never realised that.<br /><span style="font-style:italic;">I ve seen that board and sometimes thought it was coincidence that a guy had the same name as an apartment complex.<br /></span>Am now convinced ur stupid enough to do what you dream to do, said Chen as she continued her story.<br />Harry and me, magic! we ve even made love inside Roth pond.<br />Danny tried to remember pleasanter times back home when he neednt listen to such shit. He had to. He had a mission on hand. <span style="font-style:italic;">Can we cut out the graphic details please?</span><br /><br />Hmm, Harry knew magic. He believed we could speak to inanimate objects. <br />I figured that out. Let me guess he was a CS major? that explains everything.<br />Haha, ya, but he was nothing like us, in 1985 we did not even have msdos. CS involved sitting in front of computer and doing what a typist did. Type.<br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Oh and how are things different now?</span><br /> <br />Danny how is acting smart gonna help?<br /><br />Unfortunately, that was around the time a terribly racist organization came up. The terribly secret 4th Ku Kux klan(kkk for short).<br />Back home we were used to building great walls to protect ourselves although with the same money we could buy a zillion bazookas. <br /><br />We decided we would do what we knew best. Build walls.the perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-56104565904732928112010-10-17T02:05:00.002+05:302010-10-17T02:35:02.892+05:30danny ocean---part 2what are you doing? asked gauri. Danny replied, you know I was doing a-pin, but he went away. I just use my hands. Dude I din ask you that. What are you doing in this snow.<br />Gauri, bro you might think am crazy but... he told him his purpose, and gauri caught his chest, he could not believe Danny was trying to do something no man dared, a mere thought of which sent extra chills down, if it was even possible in a minus ten degree weather. Wish you all the very best, drop by Ms.Chen. Is that her name? Dude whats the probability her name is not Chen? Shes from China.<br /><br />Danny trudged off towards Chen's apartments. She had lived in Chapin for 25 years and some say she knew the darkest secrets of Stony Brook, stuff even Danny himself did not know. Little did Danny know about what he would learn at Chen's place. How he would wish he never came to know any of that.<br /><br />So, you dare to do what a dozen men have tried to do and lost their lives? Yes of course, I lost my love, and probably I might win him back if I achieve this. <br />Hmm, sit down I ll bring you some coke and chopsticks. No just juice is fine.<br />She went in and after ten minutes came out with just the chopsticks. What is this?<br />Dint u ask just for the chopsticks? No I said just juice, now I dont want anything.<br />You are weird Danny, how ll u have juice without chopsticks?<br />Ya, am kinda crazy, please bear with me, but can you tell me what you know about Chapin? About Stony Brook? I think it will help me in my journey.<br /><br />Hmm, are you sure you want to hear? Danny:yes please can you please stop the KBC sure confident thingy? it ll be summer soon, at the pace we r going.<br /><br />Okok.. I came here as an undergrad student, I studied computer science like most of the students here. I attended on campus placement and became the incharge of Chapin computer lab. Oh thats pretty cool, offered Danny. The irritation in his tone was palpable. He dint wanna know about all this.<br />Chen chose to ignore, and continued. Ever wondered why I ve stayed put in Chapin for the last 25 yrs? I ve not gone to China in couple of decades, not even when I missed Szechuan rice. I came across this guy VD from India who has very fine Szechuan sauce. <br />Arre Yaar, please? Danny stood up to leave.<br />Chen smiled, and said, do you know the sprinklers switch on themselves? for the last 20 yrs, whoever has tried entering the sprinkler control room has never returned.<br />The sprinklers speak only to me.<br />Danny's jaws dropped and he sat down to listened.<br />To be continued...the perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-3166156762575846762010-10-09T08:51:00.002+05:302010-10-09T09:24:45.920+05:30richardhe was pissed off. we needed to talk but I was just not finding time. New university, new friends never got time alone, the poor thing had waited quite a while for some action. He would be devastated if he heard what I was about to tell him.<br />one fine friday evening, I got some time to myself and opened up.<br />"was a good day haan", i started, half expecting him to not even bother replying. He had a pensive look about him, and said, "doesnt make a difference to me, I dont give a damn".<br />"Ah, dont be la dat", I said, "We ve been together since the time I can remember, am sorry, you ve always stood up for me whenever I ve needed you." "Yet you ve always looked down upon me", he shot back. "Thats cos of how your placed!".<br /> "And thats supposed to console me? HOW".<br /> "When we came to Stony Brook, you promised me there ll be so much action, I should have guessed. knowing the retard you are, 'action' referred to volleyball, soccer and an overdose of physics." <br />"Listen I got to tell you something important." <br />"Why am I not curious? You got into yet another of your stupid puppy-loves?" <br />"Ah, shut up and listen, theres not gonna be much this semester am afraid. I know we had lofty dreams, about the promised land, but, Stony Brook is probably not that great a place"<br />"can u please repeat after me?", he said.<br />"f", "F", "a", "A"? "g", "G".<br />"what do you get?"<br />"Ah comeooon, dont give me that shit, you really want me to misuse you?"<br />"nono we r cool, be a sanyasi I dont care, I ll console myself that the day will come soon"<br />"Attaboy!, I said, I ll make it upto you ok? new site everyday, Jugal's promised me a full harddisk"<br />"yaya whatever"<br />"if we keep a low profile this semester we might get into some really really big univ and we gonna make up for all the years of our youth. Those univs actually have happening parties everynight am told."<br />"hope my mechanism works till then", he said and smiled. I held him tight and as we usually did, entered fantasyland, the future, that promised so much, yet elusive, was, just a couple of semesters away, we told each other. And we believe it.For he cant live without me, and I cant without him happy.the perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-73345831108153221652010-10-02T02:11:00.004+05:302010-10-02T02:39:23.140+05:30danny ocean---part 1Danny Ocean, as his name suggests was this regular 21 year old from India, who had come to Stony Brook for his Masters.<br />He was a quietish kinda guy, with a really queer sense of humor. This story is about one hell of a weird day in his life based sometime in the near future. Its about how a man can go to any extent and make any sacrifice to get what he wants.<br /><br />I was January and fucking cold. Ocean sat down brooding his break up with his best friend A-pin. They had met just 3 months back. A-pin was also from the same province back in India and even spoke the same language. They took the same courses, ate from the same plate, slept in the same..well you get the idea. The only thing that was not cool was, they were also the same gender.<br /><br />His best friend Hurry had always warned Ocean about not getting too committed. But as they say love is blind. A-pin cheated on Ocean, that too with a girl.<br /><br />How I wish Hurry was around, thought Ocean, Hurry someone seemed to know the right thing. Hurry was back in India, far away, in warmer climes.<br /><br />Thats when he decided, he needed direction in life, he was going to do what no man in his right senses had done before. If he did succeed his campaign would be compared to the conquests of the one and only Roald Amundsen.<br /><br />Things were not going to be easy, he knew that. The whole thing required strategy and careful planning. And secrecy was very important. He desperately needed a confidante who could tell him what to do, but Hurry who was really awesome, was far away at home.<br /><br />Lets cut to the day, the events took place. He wore the ski gear he had bought with the awesome amounts of money he had made. Oh wait I totally forgot, Ocean's annual turn over was more than the profits Bill Gates made. And he made this money working just 20 hrs a week. How come you might ask, well noone knows, but if you knew Ocean you wouldnt be surprized. He knew how many spoons kelly quad had, or how many steps were there in Tabler Steps. He knew what vegetable's oil was used in the vegetable oil bus. I could go on and on but that can wait for another day, for Ocean is now ready to achieve.<br /><br />As he came out of his room, he ran into Gauri. Abbe kuthe, why r wearing so many clothes? Ocean couldnt waste time. But Gauri was probably his only contact with the fairer sex and hence he couldnt put him down. "Dude my harddisk has crashed again", what again?aan "but i have a fucking iphone" Ya dude thats pretty coolaan. "Ocean where are you going, i said I have an iphone." 2B continuedthe perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-53082116303915684662009-12-27T16:47:00.003+05:302009-12-27T17:30:09.033+05:30what happened mid pitch at the Feroz Shah Kotlabackground: An innocuous from Sudip Tyagi was spat out by the pitch as it reached eight feet. Sangakkara seemed to have had enough with something. The score 85/5 with all batsmen back in the pavilion, none of them because of the pitch. <br />Conversation<br />MSD,Sanga,ME-Marais Erasmus and SKT: Sk Tarapore.<br /><br />Sanga runs in before the next ball is bowled.<br />SKT:U cant take Mendis' gage(turn to bat) because you play a little better.<br />Sanga:No, the Lankan lions want to speak to MSD, give me a minute<br />MSD:What is it? you want to waste time so I get banned for more matches?<br />Sanga:No,no, why is Ishant Sharma not there? I thought we agreed before the tournament that Ishant and Nehra will play every game? the Lankan Lions are not happy.<br />MSD:And we also agreed Jayawardane and Mendis will, why cant we just continue the game Sanga?<br />Sanga:Ah ok, listen I find this pitch too dangerous to bat on. The lankan lions' batsman are in danger. <br />MSD:hmm.. I wonder what you were doing till 23 overs were bowled, you didnt know that while you were batting? not till 5 wickets fell.<br />Sanga:Wait, see you saw the last wicket to fall. It was a run out. Samaraweera knew damn well Raina wouldnt hit, Raina just flicked it and it hit the stumps after an uneven bounce. Do you really think we should play here? Where Indians effect direct hits? i mean WTF?<br />MSD:Ok chill, listen I will bowl only my spin bowlers, and only Nehra and Zaheer will try throwing down stumps.<br />Sanga:Ok spin bowlers; only Nehra and Praveen and Jadeja can bowl. <br />MSD:Dont tease Nehra ass, see Praveen is not in the team, and together they have only 15 overs to bowl. Cant we bowl Harbhajan or Raina?<br />Sanga:No too fast for Lankan Lions, what about your bowling coach?He bowls really well?<br />MSD: no we kicked him out, listen you expect me to bowl Ventakesh Prasad and Nehra from 85/5 and win the match? Please be reasonable dude<br />ME:Ok, I will favor the person who can pronounce my name correctly.<br />Sanga:Maraisa Erasmusa?<br />Marais Erasmus:Am not a Srilankan, our names dont have to compulsarily end in A. Dhoni you try.<br />MSD:Marais Erasmus?<br />ME:Ah both of you are wrong. S is silent in Marais Dhoni.<br />SKT:hey lets come to a decision<br />MSD:You dont speak, you could have got me unbanned, I ll make them make u umpire in a match in pak, if you give wrong decision, they ll cut your hand<br />Sehwag:Hey Dhoni, I have an idea, I will pray that this match is abandoned, then the match ll actually happen<br />MSD:Aaah, so what is the conclusion now Sanga?<br />Sanga:See if we were 82/2 we will continue, but 5 wickets is too much, and we have a valid excuse, and I would like to cash in.<br />MSD:I am sorry am saying this but, I can totally understand why Pakistan team did what they did to you.. anyway meet you in Bangladesh, atleast there will be a competitive team there.<br /><br />PS:Seriously, they could have played some unofficial t20 match just for spectators sake with just spinners or something.. it was not like there were wide cracks where players will fall in.the perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-65826579191125872122009-09-25T19:46:00.000+05:302009-09-25T20:29:24.043+05:30its all been written down...Duru was super pissed off. He had just learnt from the learned men the cause of such bad things happening in his life. <br />A couple of people, one of them his own grandfather, was writing everything down, literally controlling the proceedings.<br />Shaking with rage he stormed into the forest where the two of them were at their work.<br /><br />"Wtf are you people doing?" asked Duru, "how can you script and control my life?<br />How can you write your own story? what kind of causality is this?"<br /><br />Vyasa, suppressing a giggle looked at Ganesha who had been his able scribe for many a day.<br /><br />Said Ganesha "We are just having a little fun ok? Being immortal is omg boring ok? This one time we could control stuff instead of Brahma and we took the best use of it ok?"<br /><br />"At what cost?", Bellowed Duru. "Seriously man, I never wanted to be a baddie, agreed I was kind of greedy etc but most of the time it was like stuff happening by themselves. If everything is written down, whats the role of me? Am I supposed to make any decisions? The more I think about it, the more f-ed up i feel"<br /><br />"Just chill", said Vyasa, "lifes not that bad ok? Imagine if we made you share your wife with 99 other people? you get to enjoy your prime in the palace and as king. And predictably you get screwed in the end by which time Pandavas are anyway old. Shouldn't you be happy?"<br /><br />"But why all this war? Why should I try to disrobe another woman? why should I kill my own cousins?"<br /><br />"see in order to teach values, there has to be a bad person ok? it cant be helped, why dont you go back and plot something wicked ok?"<br /><br />"But if everything is pre-determined whats the point of everything? Is there any concept of charting your own course? This religion sucks"<br /><br />"I think hes speaking too much, lets show him some pain", observed the wise Vyasa. <br /><br />"Oh yeah? you want me to show you pain?" asked Duru, as he raised his mace to strike a blow on Ganesha<br /><br />"U never understand do you?" said Vyasa, "Your part and parcel of Mahabharata, couldnt you figure out that this was also written?"<br /><br />"And since Duru got provoked and misbehaved we have reason to screw him now ok?,<br />you were supposed to become a nice guy in the end and everyone lives happily ever after."<br />"Hey Vyas I got a really sexy climax ok?"<br />"Duru becomes a W.Indies cricket player?" quipped Vyasa."Or Himesh?"<br />"lol no no something more wicked. Duru is reborn as Sarkosy ok?"<br /><br />"Dude please man, I quit I ll just go away now, and do what you want and go on and screw me", said Duru.<br /><br />"aww, cry baby, k we ll remove this episode from the big story, you shall never know you are being "written"".<br /><br />As Duru disappeared into thin air and teleported back to his mama's house,<br />Ganesha refilled the Ink in his tusk and opened a packet of little hearts biscuit.<br />"This is helluva fun ok?"the perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-46239582361567882282009-06-28T09:39:00.002+05:302009-06-28T10:11:31.999+05:30Startling newsThe budding times of india team along with India tv has uncovered yet another startling truth. A.R.Rahman is Waheeda Rehman's son. <br />YES you are reading it right. There is the resemblance and there is the common surname.<br />A little digging deep by the reputed Times of India team (that is us) has led to the following freaking facts:<br />1)1991: The year Waheeda Rehman took a break from movies, A.R.Rahman came into movies. Coincidence?<br />2)Her come back movie Water had guess who had the music director?<br />3)Her most critically aclaimed movies where she gives her best have been Rang De Basanti and Delhi 6<br />4)They both have same surname.. It is a great deception that she she thought she could get off with it just by changing an "e" to an "a"<br />5)A.R.Rahmans speech about his mother. Was he yearning for unrequited love?<br /><br />You be the judge, and TOI is proud to say it has successfully tarnished the image of yet another hero of the Indian soil.<br /><br />Kudos Kudos to TOI teamthe perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-19680530025959339162009-06-13T11:54:00.002+05:302009-06-13T11:56:43.911+05:30Kalpakkama wise man, an old man was walking down a lonely path through the woods when he met a wise owl around a 100 years of age he asked the owl "oh old wise one whose seen the length and breadth of this great earth, what is worse than staying at kalpakkam?"the owl winked his great round eyes and replied in a deep voice "sitting in a desert with no water and just a male camel for a companion", To which old man asked " that is sadder in deed but whats more sad than that?"<br />The owl raised his huge wings flapped them with great force and as he flew away<br />whispered "Kalpakkam".the perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-69217732001845348262009-05-30T20:21:00.005+05:302009-05-30T21:25:08.353+05:30chemicals & fertilizerBringing you the word to word of what happened in the press meet organized by the new chemicals and fertilizer minister.<br /><br />Honorable minister : AG<br />press persons : P<br />Maran : M<br /><br />P:Hello mister AG. Congrats on getting the coveted cabinet ministership.<br />AG: I not education much. Still you all call bad word I easy understand. I have fat wood logs to hit everyone.<br />Maran: (translates what they actually said in Tamil)<br />AG:Oh sorry very thank you.<br />Maran:As Mr.Ag cant talk loudly today I will act as his mouthpiece.<br /><br />P:Sir, do you think you are qualified enough to be a minister?<br />Maran (4 AG): I have lived life with chemicals be it ethanol or TNT. You might have heard the PM saying the cabinet has been chosen on merit. He meant my case more than anyone else's.<br /><br />P:What do you plan to do in next five years?<br />Maran reluctantly (4 AG): Er.. He plans to ask for tamil being "super" classical language status. Also 1 rupee fertilizers and fertilizers in fancy colors to encourage farmers to use them.<br /><br />P:But sir, tamil and chemicals? what is the connection?<br />Maran:If you go back to the ramayana, it is written that Lord Sri Rama had used chemical weapons to bring rain and even make the whole ocean dry up. In fact he possesed atomic weapons. All this happened in tamil nadu -- srilanka border.<br /><br />P:Its the best ever analysis we have ever seen. Anyway, we thought Rama did not exist? He suddenly does?<br />Maran:No he does not exist when we are talking about the sethusamudram project. Do not confuse.<br /><br />AG:All questions finished. Good minister me. India number one in chemical under me.the perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-66964295296480960312009-01-07T22:57:00.003+05:302009-01-07T23:53:33.853+05:30oh so averageSTORY:<br /><br /><br />Frankly speaking, no one would want to write my story, because nothing really happened. I have never been the hero in anything except of course the story am writing now. My moment of glory.<br /><br />Except, once upon a time when I was born, youngest of three, to two not so ordinary people. Ambition should have run in my blood. They were extremely good-looking people and pretty successful in their fields, the specifics of which don't concern us right now. I probably was born with the wrong mixture of the genes, making me look average and not very bright.<br />Ah, the point is I was not great at anything, not even writing this story.<br /><br />After the age of three, all the doubts about my IQ vanished and my capabilities or the lack of it were quite clear. I was not great in acads nor in sports and its obvious I wasnt great with girls either.<br /><br />Naturally I screwed up a lot, much to the embarrassment of my dad and mum. It was not like I didnt try.<br />They said I didnt aim high, that I operated within my limitations and was content with a B- when my siblings managed an easy A or A-.<br /><br />This trend obviously continued through my life, not going that extra mile, not wresting opportunities, you might think I was lazy, but it was a mixture of resigning to fate and a lack of love of big things I would say. ~You will never understand~ <br /><br />I of course got married and it is ridiculous on your part if you thought she would understand me. She didnt. My kids didnt, but thankfully the so called Indian heritage helped me keep my marriage intact. <br /><br />You might think am a loser, leading a depressed lonely life. Well, thats miles away from the truth. <br />My brother and sis, my kids,my wife party, roam around the world, meet loads of people and are supposed to be enjoying their life. You would also be someone like that. They celebrate power.<br /><br />I am just happy being happy, celebrate every other passing day, I so live life and guess what, am never sad.the perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-27869339692002983722008-12-19T22:53:00.002+05:302008-12-19T23:42:09.424+05:30no proof no proofThis is a hypothetical interview with the head of state of an imaginary country. Any resemblances to clowns in real life is purely coincidental and there IS NO PROOF.<br /><br />We have with us in our studios Mr. Passive Pali Pardari the head of state of our neighbouring country and with him the chief editor of the esteemed news papers, "early morning, afternoon, evening, late night etc" in this edition of devil's advocate.<br /><br />Me Karan :K<br />HE Passive Pali Pardari:PPP<br />Chief Editor:CE<br /><br />K:MrPardari thanks for coming to our show.<br /><br />PPP:there is no proof that they are from my country.<br /><br />K:Sir, we have not yet asked that question anyways first things first lets agree on talking logically <br /><br />CF:Your country is curtailing our fundamental rights by asking us to speak logically.<br /><br />K:!@#?<br />You claim there is no proof that Kasab is not from your country although his parents have said hes their son<br /><br />PPP:There is absolutely no proof about anything. As soon as proof comes we will act.<br /><br />K:Ok lets change topic what do you think about the Mohammad Asif incidents?<br /><br />PPP:there is no proof hes a Pak...<br />CF:(whispers in his ear) sir hes a cricket player who plays for our country, dont make a fool of your self.<br />PPP:Oh okok :( Hes from our country only.<br /><br />K:After the hijacking of IC814 we had released Moulana Mazood azar which means that obviously hes a terrorist. Isnt that proof enough for him to be tried?<br /><br />CF:Its a conspiracy by Mossad RAW and FBI to defame freedom struggle.<br /><br />K:I wish I was interviewing Jayalalitha she at least got angry when cornered instead of coolly crapping bullshit :(<br />Anyways Mr. Pardari the boats that were recovered had loads of goods from your country what do you say for this?<br /><br />PPP:Laughs to himself.. you never give up do you. We can explain anything.<br />The goods were stolen by RAW agents and stored in a dinghy. There is no proof.<br />Seriously, no one even knows how my wife was killed, there is still controversy on whether there was a bullet, we said no post mortem. There is no proof.<br /><br />K:The rest of the show is yours tell whatever you wanna say.<br /><br />PPP:We extend all support to India. I heard there is an ISI in India also seen it in many products from here. We can work together in destroying terrorism. We want proof. We also want cricket money and all. <br /><br />K:Thanks for being in this show sir, guess "we want proof" is the new "that is a DLF maximum six". <br />This episode is being re telecast on america's funniest videos on vijay tv. Cheersthe perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-70520340243060599492008-11-30T22:45:00.003+05:302008-11-30T23:17:59.896+05:30its called intelligence for a reasonBurning outrage has been one familiar mood in Indian dressing rooms for around a week now. We have all been watching CNN IBN and NDTV instead of Kolangal, Maanaada Mayilada , Roadies and other such high IQ programs.<br />Much has been written about whatever has happened and I thought I will write something about what to do next instead of blaming home ministers and their second cousins.<br /><br />a) There is no way we are going to convince eighteen year olds who have been soaked in Anti-India fervor since the time they were inside the womb, so those people who are speaking about peace, please take a one way ticket to somewhere like Switzerland.<br />We need to do something fast about POK where there are advanced courses and PHD offered in myriad fields of warfare. I understand they had used lakes to practice riding catamarans.<br /><br />b)This is one thing that has puzzled me the most for a long time. I have read in Digital Fortress about the use of Stunt Guns to temporarily paralyze people. I guess its not TOO costly. I really cant fathom why its not used against terrorists<br /> i)You can fire indiscriminately and not worry about injuring innocent people<br /> 11)You get live terrorists who can sing songs about where they came from and we can show the world the credibility of Pakistan's war on terror.<br />We use tranquilizers to catch wild animals like Elephants. The one reason they did not do that for Veerapan was I thought because some black specs uncles did not want him caught alive.<br /><br />c)I guess Its called intelligence for a reason. (Yes I have managed to write the title somewhere)<br />But I have serious doubts about what RAW is upto. And I cant restrain myself to point out the ironical pun. <br />This organization is either too good that a reasonably well informed person like me doesnt even know what the recruitment procedure is or its just another wing of the screwed up Indian bureaucracy.<br />Its claimed they knew they were coming from the sea and might attack some star hotels. <br />But can we compare ourselves to a Mozzad or a CIA or an FBI? The US has 4 such agencies one each for a purpose. <br />I am sure RAW would have given many a false warning that the police would have not taken this one too seriously. <br /><br />High time something serious was done or otherwise the "spirit of India" will just get used to living with bombs like we live with power cuts corruption and garbage.<br />Lets hope the value of our lives isn't a joke.the perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-57079115087238189812008-11-04T19:02:00.003+05:302008-11-06T02:41:07.767+05:30our true colorsScene:Aussie team hangout <br />Time:sometime after the famous Sydney test.<br />The conversation leads to this and that and finally Gilly brings out his lappy to show his pals the soft copy of his proposed autobiography titled "nick and walk".<br /><br />Phil:pretty short mate all of just fifty pages han?<br /><br />Gilly:OH yea thats why I came to you guys, I want some stuff to swell the content to say 500 pages what do I write about? I ve written about the Aussie attitude, my walking about my life and all but still...<br /><br />Matt:Hey have you written about the Indian team?<br /><br />Gilly:Er.. no, I mean, how is it relevant?<br /><br />Punter:Of course it is, we got aap(screwed) in CB series, and thanks to bucksie we could pull it off in the tests. Moreover writing bad things about them ll get you lot of attention. Seriously dude do you think people will be interested to know where you did your kindergarden?<br /><br />Gilly:Mm your right, so give me some input.<br /><br /><s>Monkey</s>: Isnt there a format for this? First we start with bajji in traditional style. Talk about the way they called me monkey?<br /><br />G:Isnt that over? I mean everything is settled? We realised he said something else. Its not like we dont racially abuse or sledge?<br /><br />Lee:How could you gilly? I was in the dressing room and I could hear Harbhajan saying monkey its so obvious. And I want to suggest a new concept. Also write about how Sachin was a liar and stuff like that. You can always apologise to him over phone later.<br /><br />G:Ok nice idea, anything else?<br /><br />Pup:buw buw!! you know I have a secret crush on Sachin right? And when I went to their dressing room he did not shake hands with me at all. In fact I couldnt even see him. I felt very sad.<br /><br />Matt:Now how cruel is that?<br /><br />G:ok fair point wait I will note it down.<br /><br />Huss:Hey remember the previous series in India?<br /><br />G:you did not even play?<br /><br />Huss: yea ok ok listen I watched it on TV and my bro and me were drunk, and you know we were crapping about how Bajji Saurav were scared of the Nagpur test. Hey please please add that also?<br /><br />G:Ah, what is this man? ok with all the shit...<br /><br />Warnie:Hey, You are my friend right? Murali just went ahead of me, can you write about how he chucks? it makes me feel kinda nice.<br /><br />G:Ah ok..<br /><br />Chappel:Can i also suggest something?<br /><br />G:yea go on greg.<br /><br />Chappel:You know my brothers and me used to play cricket in our garden. Can you publish that story also?<br /><br />G:Hey you think this is tinkle? <br /><br />Chappel:No I thought it would be a nice story.<br /><br />G:nono, greg havent you told this story too often?<br /><br />Punter:I will never be your friend if you dont write about Ishant sharma.<br /><br />G:oksomething about him also. Think of something bad and I will include it.<br /><br />G:Ok my autobiography is ready :D<br />fifty pages about me cricket and all that<br />fifty pages on haribhajan<br />and hundred pages on rest of the Indian team.<br />I have also allocated some pages for pictures with Indian greats like Sachin.<br /><br />White:Hey the title kinda sucks, keep something more racist no? something about color?<br /><br />Punter:Water colors?<br />Matt: how is that relevant? dude we are writing logical stuff here ok?<br />new Unnamed spinner:True colors?<br />G:Yea thats cool, it gives a subtle message about our superiority. Its also about me in a way<br /><br />Pigeon:Hey but at the end of the day we go there and beg for money so dont write any more crap. God hope they dont send us home.the perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-72922111370153626902008-10-23T21:13:00.003+05:302008-10-23T22:28:24.266+05:30the making<span style="font-style:italic;">Disclaimer: the following post is completely fictional and not aimed at any self respecting community which wants harmony. In the circumstance of a person of that community chancing upon this article I sincerely hope my description is accurate and you do appreciate my opinion.</span><br /><br />No kid is born bad, no kid born a terrorist, no kid born a fool or an antisocial at least in my opinion. Its the people you meet, your education or lack of it, your culture, the movies you watch, the books you read that make you what you are. <br />In my case it was my dad or probably every male relative that was around. <br />I was born into an orthodox community of a religion thats being seen in a negative light thanks to people like us.<br />I grew up in domestic violence, son of one of many wives, a big big family drenched in backwardness. The irony was we were quite proud of our strict adherence to the laws. <br />But, I was sent to a decent English medium school much to the surprise of many. The reason given was that there needed to be some people who were well versed with the advancements of the world. Pretty broad minded you would say but it was only an half truth. I later learnt it was because they needed people to specialize in bomb making and other such advanced stuff hitherto unaccessible. <br /><br />There were a lot of experiences during my schooling days and later which you might find funny which I ll share with you over the course of the next few posts.<br /><br />I was a pretty strong and explosive kid, I grew up in domestic violence and the word "jihad" was more commonly used than even thank you or sorry.<br /><br />I vividly remember in 1st grade when we were introduced to division, teacher introduced it using apples and people. So we learnt all integer addition, 4 apples among 4 people gives one apple per person and 6 apples among three people gives 2 apples per person yadayada. Then for teasing us she asked how would you divide 3 apples among four guys, my hand shot up.<br />I said "thats easy, kill one guy!!". <br />Something was terribly wrong with that kid.<br /><br />to be continuedthe perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-12973643896125689422008-10-15T00:25:00.000+05:302008-10-15T16:03:44.128+05:30I am such a....Thats what I was telling Harith for the greater part of one week. We were sharing a secret that was growing on us, slowly dissolving us in guilt, dissolving me atleast. He had done nothing just been with me. This is how that fateful evening transpired.<br /><br />It was December one of those rare few months we could spend time like we used to back in school and having exhausted most of the chilling out spots in Chennai (oh sooo many of them) we decided to hit it off to Mayajaal on the outskirts for a picture and probably a game of pool. We had loads of fun and were coming back at around eleven in the night. <br />I always had this huge fetish for high speed and promptly hit the pedal on the eight lane OMR. <br />You guessed it I hit something. There was a loud AMMA and instincts made me go faster. It was a good five minutes later, when I could no longer drive with sweat all over me that I stopped looking at an equally sheepish Harith. We couldnt speak. <br />"What did we just do" was what he managed after a good five minutes later my head was in my arms throbbing. The distant sound of a siren, and we had to think fast. Surrender, the right thing to do the sensible thing to do, but in these situations its just saving your skin I guess.<br />IT would have been seven the next morning when I finally stopped saying "I am such a ...." Harith consoled me, reasoned that there was the chance nothing might have happened. <br />Half an hour later we ran to the gate to catch the newspaper, and through the corner of my eye I could see my dad gleaming with pride looking at "the enthusiasm of the youngsters these days". <br />One accident in Veppery, one in Tambaram both minor none on the OMR. We were probably the most relieved souls in the world.<br />We slept a sound 8 hrs played cricket and sat counted our blessings went out for Pizzas and retired.<br />"A 60 year old tailor was run over on the wee hours of last morning here in OMR" screamed the third page". I sat gaping as my dad was ecstatic at seeing my devastation over the Mendis massacre. Patriotism is rare among teenagers.<br />Harith was back poor thing. We sat discussed the plan of action. We learnt she was admitted in the Chettinad hospital so I had a chance to own up if I wanted to. <br />Harith told me only this; to trust what my heart told me and he would stand by whatever I did. <br />I would have owned up if the next day's paper did not feature an obituary of the same teacher giving the details about the funeral the next day.<br />Trust me you would never want to feel like that. Watching Clint Eastwood shooting five men like sparrows might be cool but being the cause for purging everything someone had and would ever ever have is really horrible. <br />I was numb with guilt. Couldn't eat the whole day, dad asked me to cheer up, "its just a game son one day mendis one day douglas marillier".<br />That distinctive male baritone "AMMA" kept ringing in my ear.<br />He was probably a good man who had a family, had kids. Probably he was proud of his good-for-nothing son too. <br />I had had enough, that evening I took Harith and went to the address mentioned in the poster.<br />It was this narrow alley, and it was filled with people, most of them opining the spineless bastard who had killed such a wonderful teacher should rot in hell. <br />Unanimous hatred, never felt it before never want to again. <br />Why couldnt he have accidentally been a bad ass gangster? or a goat? Or a pathetic teacher who used to molest students? <br />The body was too mangled and they had covered him from head to toe.<br />As the walls shrunk to crush me, as everything started to whirl, and the big mass of my best friend literally holding me became a blur, I yelled "ok I killed him, I killed your dad, your husband , your favorite teacher, your son whatever just bash me to death I killed Rajamani". And I sobbed till I realised I wasnt touched yet. <br />An old frail looking man, red with sorrow, came up and instead of slapping me, just asked<br />"did you say you killed Rajamani?" <br />"Yes am afraid so"<br />"you killed my wife?"<br />"you mean your brother?"<br />"No did you hit my wife and run?"<br />"Your wife? Rajamani is not a man?"<br />Harith quickly did damage control, explained the cause of confusion and apologised for interrupting the funeral.<br />And guess what? I also met the man who was the owner of the "AMMA" he had come for funeral too, he had a bandaid to show for that night and that's all and he couldn't say much to the cry baby except a fake "Its ok my man" with a pat on my back.<br />When we reached my car, I hugged Harith till I realised some curious onlookers might have thought we were curious.<br />I sat in the car wiped my face, hit the pedal to celebrate the spirit of life, great relief and the wind on my face was such a beautiful feeling.<br />Just then there was a loud thud<br />and I heard "AMMMAA"<br />Harith am such a....<br /><br />PS:Although I know you would never do whatever I claimed you did above, Harith loser I still love yathe perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-58948903141564169102008-10-11T11:13:00.000+05:302008-10-12T16:53:42.970+05:30The Celestial ChatThe following is not intended to hurt the religious sentiments of any community. It is purely fictional and an innocent take on myths. Am a great fan of the epics myself and am really proud of them.<br /><br />This conversation is a Gchat between Duriyodhana and Lord Krishna after they have long finished their terestrial duties and have some time to fool around.<br /><br />krish_coolcasanova@gmail.com (K)<br />duru_badass@gmail.com (D)<br />D: hi Krishna<br /><br />K: hi duru man sup wid u?<br /><br />D: jus la dat..kinda bored... death sucks<br /><br />K: I no "yadha yadha.."<br /><br />D: ah no am not arjun..dont start that all over again... actually am so fatigued<br /><br />K: u no i actually wanted to speak with you on earth itself but what with dharm winning an all der was too much politics<br /><br />D: I no i no it was such a shame we had huge armies da best of commanders and still we lost :(<br /><br />K: i no my man happens.. its always been la dat wen it comes to me da enemies are all very naïve <br />Once der was dis bloke called hiranyaksha. he decided to abduct my round spherical wife Booma Devi and he folded her like a mat and hid her under da sea<br /><br />D: come again<br />folded a sphere like a mat?<br /><br />K: i no he seems to have known Reimannian geometry in Kritha yuga<br /><br />I watched this movie called dark knight.. kickass.. In which avatar will i get a villian like that I mean Joker was mindblowing?<br /><br />D:I was competent wasnt I?<br /><br />K:LMAO!! you knew you were the villian of a grand epic and ved vyas was writin about whatever was happenin shudnt u have known u ll get screwed? Any epic bad guys get screwed. <br /><br />D: hmm yea.. but ...<br /><br />K: not only that you lacked any plannin what were you even thinking?<br /><br />D: i accept i was foolish what should i have done?<br /><br />K: to begin with you shuda planned da war better ashwathama was in ur side rite? and do u realise he dusnt die? <br /><br />D: yea?<br /><br />K: you cuda just hid karna behind ashwathama forming a human fence kinda thing and defeated da whole pandava army<br /><br />D: hmm yea probably but look at u cudnt u have taught arjun all dat before the war?<br /><br />K: well probably but it was just to show inspite of all dat u suckers lost<br />u no lifes kinda borin<br />i need better villians<br />der was dis mockery of an uncle of mine called kamsa<br />people had warned him dat his 9th nephew will kill him<br />wat did he do?<br />he imprisoned my mum and dad in da same prison instead of seperating them<br />an 8th grade biology knowledge is enuf 2 reason out all this..<br /><br />D: yeayea... true<br />i just realised somethin<br />things cuda been far worse<br />u no dis story about me tappin ma thighs signalling 2 draupathi<br />and dats y bhim killed me by splittin ma thigh?<br />if i had pointed to somethin more vulgar.. i wuda had such a shameful tragic death :O<br /><br />K: k man gtg Ruku is callin.. polygamy kinda sucks man<br /><br />D: tell me about it.. anyway tc..<br /><br />To be continued......the perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-18345876185142243002008-10-09T11:01:00.000+05:302008-10-12T16:55:19.809+05:30The wonderful state among Kyrgyzstan<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: -webkit-monospace; font-size: 13px; white-space: pre-wrap; ">You might have study about great civilization of globe, Mesapotamia,Crete, The Indian civilisation, Hispanics, Europeans, white men, black men, small men, round men and yes of course even non-muslims and women. It is great sorrow when people doesnt know about the great country of Kyrgyzstand the land of Kyrgyzs(s) (plural) the land with the people who called name with no vowels. I moved when I see Borat about Kazakhstan, our country better national anthem. I want to to tell about Kyrgyzs.<div> <div>The long history of Kyrgyzs people is stitched in the anals of history. The great tradition of poppy growing, hashish some ganja all give very high. </div><div> </div><div>Kyrgyzs got independance on 31st August 1991 very beautiful day. Freedom fighters all very brave men. Down with soviet states. Coming back to country, famous for its mountains and passes on women also. Very amazing women, although beauty pegeants are banned according to sharia law.</div><div> </div><div>One important poppy growing town is Barak where some important enemy country head was born. Such is history of Kyrgyzs the land of the plently our mothersland.</div><div> </div><div>Lets go one by one.</div><div> </div><div>Flag:</div><div>Tje 40-rayed sun gives symbolic limit on the number of times on can wed in one lifetime. Sun represents manhood. The lines represent ..... The lines inside the sun.. oh you get the picture..</div><div>The red color of the flag stands for peace and openness, yes red color stands for peace.</div><div> </div><div>Traditions:</div><div>Bride Kidnapping: Is the oldest tradition of Kyrgyzs and is a popular recreational activity among the peoples and is participated by the young the old alike.</div><div> </div><div>Religion: The only country with stan in its name without moon or star in our flag. We have sun. and we also have man son(national average around 20)</div><div> </div><div>Education: People of our nation are very forward thinkings and we have decided that education will no longer be distant nightmare. There will be education here by 2030.</div><div> </div><div>Sports:</div><div><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kyrgyzstan#Horse_riding">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kyrgyzstan#Horse_riding</a> </div><div> </div><div>Transport: Yak carts are very modern form of transport and widely used for faster transport we use hyenas.</div><div> </div><div>Recently I read this article about Kyrgyzs people in famous english magazine( it also had good-good picture) and am proud to say we have been described as No-mads. </div><div>I happy to be kyrgyzs I happy and gay.</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: -webkit-sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 19px; "><div> </div><div> </div></span></div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div></div></span>the perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-33531941528278563572008-09-18T09:32:00.000+05:302008-09-18T15:00:34.873+05:30duh, no, f u and great<span style=";font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >I ve been this good avid news watcher and luckily I was born at a time when there was only DD so I can appreciate how so very different news channels are today. And over the past five years, what we get as news has surely changed in India.</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style=";font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >To go to the positives first, (as you mighta guessed this post is about the negatives) and they are few in number</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style=";font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >the news channels claim to give unbiased news</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style=";font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >there are sting missions at least once a year</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style=";font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >Coverage is really quick, so I can know if Bipasha's kittens have dysentery in around one hour.</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style=";font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >And they have these awesome interviews which is what this post is about.</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style=";font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >If you watch any of these headlines today, IBN,24 7, you would be familiar with these on site interviews these news people conduct. And my frank opinion is, if you are a smart interviewee (the unfortunate soul whose forced to answer questions) you can pick your answers from this 4 member set (duh!!!, no, f u, and great)</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style=";font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >duh-for obvious questions like: student, do you think mr. arjun singh is retarded?</span><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >~duh and so r u~</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style=";font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >NO-for pathetic questions like: china, will you ever be nice to india ~</span><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >NO~</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style=";font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >f u:for narada questions which are asked for creating furore and confusion:Saif we heard you forgot Kareena's bday, is it ok? </span><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >~f u~ shows both his fingers~</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style=";font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >great/bad:for questions about how you feel after achieving something great: Monica Bedi how you feel after being thrown out of Big Boss, the totally novel idea of a reality show only in India which is so important for the nation? </span><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >~i feel bad~</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /></span><span style=";font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >here are some examples:</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /><br /></span><span style=";font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >Interview with Gujarat earth quake victim: </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style=";font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >You have lost everyone in your family because of the earthquake, how do you feel about it? </span><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >~sad ~loads a pistol ~</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style=";font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >do you think you should have had earthquake proof house</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >~yes~ ~one more bullet~</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >now one more question and ...</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /><br /><br /></span><span style=";font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >Hi, dhoni how do you feel about the ICC award? </span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >great?</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style=";font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >What are your feelings about doing well?</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >great?<br /></span><span style=";font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >Do you use Mysore sandal soap?</span><span style="font-size:130%;"><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >no<br /></span><span style=";font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >What do you think of Dipika padukone?</span><span style="font-style: italic;font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" ><br />great?<br /></span><span style=";font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >Many have said you are better than Kumble in captaincy, Narayana Narayana. What do you think?<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">i know how to answer this question :m||m<br /><br /></span>Arushi's mum<br />Is Arushi Talwat dead?<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">NO shes a zombie</span><br />How do you feel about your daughter's death?<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">great?<br /></span>Did your husband kill Arushi Talwar?<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">YES and the astrologers have predicted anyway one else who speaks to me today is going to die.<br /></span>Did you daughter have an...<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">HONEY, if your anyway convicted can you kill this bitch also?<br /></span><br />Its high time we came down heavily on criticizing asking sensitive question, to intimidate and harass people.<br />If the media does need some mileage there are numerous areas uncovered, police bribes on the street, untended schools, deserving achievers who die anonymous and a country that predominantly doesnt even know its fundamental rights.<br />Please educate dont pass time.<br />The next time I watch TV please show me some news?<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span>the perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-64498140857813827022008-09-17T16:08:00.000+05:302008-09-17T19:04:53.197+05:30the last dayshttp://edition.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/meast/03/27/hussein.journal/index.html<br />http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saddam_hussein<br />might help before reading this entry.<br /><br />Head of the Arab world, millions of lives dependent on a nod from me, a year later in a cell VIC is my nick Very Important Criminal - wait a minute I still am the president of Iraq. At least that's what I tell my guards.<br /><br />Painful relief is all I can say, months of running and hiding, at the mercy of countrymen sometimes death is a lot more sweeter.<br />I do concede I've learnt a lot about life in these days of confinement that I ever did as a world power. Pardon me if i speak philosophy, when you have a week to live, trust me every minute gives you new meaning.<br /><br />I was captured on this cloudy night I was too scared to fight, I admit, I let down my men I should have died valiantly like my sons, that day the illusion of the valiant lion metaphor that even I believed in came crashing down.<br /><br />Those days as a fugitive, agony, shock and bafflement at what people actually thought of me.<br />I was not a Gandhi, nor was I even a Nasser who I modelled myself on, but I certainly wasn't selfish, I worked within my conscience.<br />Born in a middle class peasant household, I grew up in penury. The means to reaching the top might not have always been right, but the end?<br />Iraq was the only country not ruled by sharia law, the most liberal towards women, Iraq had free education schemes, Modernisation, oil for food program, WHAT NOT, i obviously believed people loved me. You cant blame for that also you know, as every time it happens in history, I was surrounded by people who would do anything for my notice all that I heard was that I was the most benevolent, the beloved leader and you couldn't think otherwise from my office in Baghdad, there were statues of me, cut outs kids being named Saddam, I mistook fear for affection.<br />Ruling an Arabic nation is not a joke, and mine was really tough, you see there were the Kurds to the north, they would panic at the mention of Arabia, and guess where they were living?<br />And then there were the Shias who opposed in the name of blasphemy any modern move I took. I did have to use my iron hand sometime you see if I hadn't I would have been killed and yes I do love my life. You would probably relate to me if you were Muslim or were even familiar with the stories of Muslim kings. You would probably realize I was the ruler under whom there was maximum stability, under whom the country flourished, under whom The Persian gulf was at its zenith.<br />At least that's what I thought. Now how is Iraq better off? I gassed Kurds for trying to assassinate me, Bush air strikes them. Is it more fun to be air struck? Is it more fun to live under a foreigner than under a thoughtful father who cared for his kids,but i do agree;went over the top st times?<br /><br />peace<br /><br />Ok, 3 days for my execution, things become a lot more clear, I love my people I love my Iraq, I misused my power, I was selfish sometimes, ok I went astray. Genocide was clearly atrocious, but absolute power corrupts.<br />Hey, and I've been tending on a flowerbed this past week, never had time for all this, outside the green uniform life has been quite a treat. Probably for the first time ever, I've thought and reflected on my life. Sixty years, so many occasions of feeling on top of the world, kids, grandsons, concubines, power, it never got boring. And then to make amends for all that a cruel death, a mockery of a trial and death like an anonymous.<br /><br />not so peaceful<br /><br />OK finally the day has come, death of a seen-it-all man, a patriot who didn't know how to prove it. I ask Allah if he's happy with me, if I've lived a purposeful life, I've done so much for Iraq, yet gauging by how the people are so happy today I guess they think they would be happy without me. They prefer getting annexed to the West, being puppets,then so be it. I found something for people to learn from my life.<br />How not to live it.<br />Miss methe perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-46474436601958397272008-08-06T12:10:00.001+05:302008-10-22T14:38:48.411+05:30when will ya come out?Every gang has its baby, the guy who looks the smallest, an undeveloped mush and beard, really cute and pink in color. We had one too, and this is about him something that shook ma outlook toward life.<br />We were so used to calling him baby that many even forgot his real name, even the juniors in school called him baby, even my younger brother.<br />He loved it too because girls just found him irresistibly cute. But that very fact made them not go beyond and consider him a man, they were really comfortable around him and the most disastrous of all didn't think of him more than a 'baby' :p.<br />Some of the people in my gang including yours truly were still in the early stages of figuring out what commitment really was, some successful some not so, well you know how it goes.<br />high school is such a funny period, people confused, thinking of lifetime romances some not even knowing what they were doing. The guys who were not so lucky kept trying their best to get a girl. Peer pressure at its lethal best.<br />One day we were all sitting in the ground pretending to study, keeping the edge of the book at eye level so as to peek at the girls sitting and studying/pretending on the opposite side. You know if someone actually observed us they woulda thought we were real sincere sweethearts..torch bearers of the youth.<br />That's when a girl came to us, spoke to a guy she had broken up with(its actually called dumped). Almost as soon as she went all of us pounced on the poor Devdas asking him to narrate the entire convo.<br />Apparently nisha the school babe (they always have these cool names) thought baby would be a great boyfriend. You see girls have this tricky way of conveying things, totally non-commital, if you arent well guarded there is a great chance you going to buy a dog, grow a beard and search for wine shops for atleast a year.<br />Baby jumped the gun. And it was very surprizing that things actually happened. They were seen holding hands the next day in the neighborhood cafe.<br />Many were jelous, they had tried for nisha themselves, some including me were really happy for baby.<br />Baby gave us a treat for the 15th day anniversary and one more for the first month, man for foodies like me this was the greatest thing that happened, bless Nisha.<br />But my happiness was shortlived. One day the female called baby to tell him some weird reasons for breaking up. It always happens the same way, feeling guilty about parents, i need more personal space( ya they want to launch research satellites) but theres always THE reason.<br />We found out the next day, some of N's friends (girlfriend's friends = GOD) had a problem with baby not being able to shave.<br />They just couldn take their close friend going out with a baby.<br />Its not very often in life you feel totally screwed, but when someone tells you you are not good enough, trust me its like the worst feeling on earth. You feel like just dissapearing off somewhere, sometimes you just lose all the ego and beg your love for one more chance.<br />Well thats what baby did, he promised her he ll grow one in some time, afterall he was trying from 9th std. He shaved his soft cheeks extra hard, but all that came out was his cheeks turning to a deep shade of pink.<br />Sometimes I used to envy baby for not needing to slog it out in front of the wash basin mirror, trying to remove those troublesome stubles, but things were getting real sad.<br />Baby woke up everyday rushed to the bathroom to observe what the status was. It was very similar to the way i used to dig up the soil and see if the germinated seeds had started to grow or no. I tried talking sense, did he even need to be with someone like her, but loves just crazy you know totally..unpredictable absolutely no logic.<br />Like the last nail in the coffin, one day baby game teary eyed to me, the bitch had given him a deadline, to grow a .5cm beard or she was going to move on.<br />He had just started to get what would be mushes one day but they were still formative, and under other circumstances it would have been cause for a treat but .5cm in a month?<br />The last week before the deadline was some crappy hols and on the reopening day, voila baby had this really cool what ever they call - line that joins the centre of the lips to the centre of the chin and I was like soo soo happy for the man.<br />Almost everyone who had heard of the developments gathered to see the happy ending, baby getting his girl back and soon we were watching both of them.<br />Nisha apologised for being such a jerk and asking for a beard and opined baby looked real cute now. Baby as usual turned pink in embaressment. She told him how much she loved him and the usual i wanna b wid u for ever shit. Baby spoke in his cute voice. "ive brought something for you that i wanna show you"<br />"oh really cho chweet wots it?"<br />bay opened his hand, there was nothing, and in one swift movement closed everything but the great finger. He rotated it towards her turned walked off and dissapeared from the corridor.<br />I was just thinking of when the others in my gang would grow from babies to men.the perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-20369661683963569642008-07-24T21:23:00.001+05:302008-10-22T14:39:24.944+05:30the coffinWe decided to give preference to age and an old frail looking man obviously got preference over everyone else and he started narrating his story of someone he knew very personally. (A true happening he claimed)<br />The story goes this way:<br />He woke up into pitch darkness as he tried to fathom where he was right now, what he was doing. The last thing he remembered was crashing his mercedes onto a tree trying to avoid a stray child on the highway. His friends always told him a merc was not meant for India well he thought they were just jelous.<br />He coudnt remember anything else, or could he?<br />He could vaguely remember a siren in the distance, his wife, she had been with him inspite of his excesses from time to time.<br />He came back to reality and tried to get up, realized he was too weak, it felt like his heart wasnt working till a while back. Feeling around with his fingers he got woodwork and something that felt like slips of paper on all the sides. Wait a minute was he really in....<br />He was not what people described a noble soul or even a good man, he had earned his riches from scratch but got this -oh i want lots of money syndrome- and people often described him a snob behind his back. There would have been many who secretly wished he were dead.<br />He could remember more now, the doctors pronouncing him dead, oh damn he was alive, atleast his brain was and was frantically asking his heart to start beating again. As fate would have it, the heartless man's heart was pulling his leg.<br />He was so fond of money that in his will he had wanted almost all of his money to be buried with him and all his possessions (those that could fit in a coffin). The rest he left to his wife.<br />When he was hale his favorites included his watch that showed time in 12 different countries although he hadnt been out of tamil nadu, his cell fone, about which he boasted to his friends "you know you neednt even press the talk button,as soon as a call comes it puts itself into speaker mode".<br />Well you see he was a strange man, who lived in the eternal illusion of happiness looking down upon poorer men who were much more contented and slept more.<br />Right now he was in his coffin and as the gravity of the situation struck him he suddenly grew frantic. Nothing can be worse than being buried alive in a coffin filled with rupee notes that were so dear two days back. Nothing worse than all his dear possessions that would make a thousand men regard him with fake respect. He tried in vain for the third time to break free and then slowly resigned.<br />He cried. Then tried to find something that would help him break free, his torch, oh no, his watch lol no way..doomed.<br />Its very funny you know when you know your going to die, its so damn different, you want to do a million things, want to tell your wife you actually loved her, you understand the limitations of money, you regret those stupid hours lost making a huge empire which wouldnt follow you.<br />It was a terrible death, choking without much oxygen, ever slowly, without the world knowing, a wrong date on the epitaph, and lots of sad thoughts.<br />As his last breadth ceased not to start again, his beard started to vibrate,<br />"We are calling from HDFC bank sir, would you like a credit card?"<br /><br />said the frail man with a wry smile, as we all gaped at him for telling such a haunting unbelievable story, he stood up to go to the loo as the others started to reflect.<br />People were saying how terrible it should have been, as I realised something, everyone turned as I shouted "But whose this guy? how did he know all this?"<br />some of us ran to the restroom..he was gone.the perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-33089214265749124882008-07-20T09:48:00.000+05:302008-07-20T10:45:11.437+05:30why so serious? (with minimal spoilers)First day. first show. usually am not that excitable but I always thought Christopher Nolan was too good. But little did I know this was his best ever, probably 10 times better than the second best, probably twice as better as any movie I ve ever seen.<br />I purposefully delayed the review by about 30 hours to see if the hysteria inside me would subside and I would write a less -droolin all over- review, but I guess this is how I would excited I would be even when I tell my grandson that I was there for the first ever show of this masterpiece.<br /><br />What makes the movie work is the fact that it doesnt depend on its graphics and breathtaking action scenes and more on its plot and drama. This is where it breaks the stereotype of a standard comic book movie like a superman or a spiderman or the earlier batman movies.<br />Its also commendable that the joker and the DA are given equal importance as the batman which is very rare in this genre. And its a welcome break that movie relies on its action and story instead of swearing and the f-word to get cheap applause from the audience.<br /><br />Heath ledger, makes sure you wanna cry about losing a one-of-a-kind actor probably the best villain performance of all time. As Caine puts it "if heath dusn get the oscar, i sure want to see the performace which beat him to it". Caine(alfred) , Freeman(Fox) and Oldman(Gordon), the seasoned actors they are need no special mention.<br /><br />Bale, oh he does a great job of the Batman who is in an ethical dilemna, and carries the dual role with aplomb. Ekhart carries out the transformation from DA to two face awesomely and you do love the DA hate the two-face and feel sorry for the transformation.<br /><br />gylenhaal plays batmans love interest and it was probably because they were short of money and couldnt get a real beauty to act, but apart from not being gorgeous she does do justice to her role.<br /><br />The plots are nothing short of genius and the screenplay oh man..mind blowing, there were five different instances when the audience broke into spontaneous applause like as if in a Lords cricket match.<br />The car and bike ll make you go gaga, the acting will haunt you and the story ll make you stay in the movie long after the credits.<br /><br />I got pretty attached to it seeing imdb everyday to track its performance literally praying to god every guy who goes to the movie likes it.<br />I dont want to see a movie that is better than this one.the perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7680520164908885098.post-40340709992448953752008-07-13T22:58:00.001+05:302008-10-22T14:40:03.231+05:30dhaudi tales (dhaudi is tamizh for beard)To all those guys out there..<br />How many times have you been dragged into a jewel shop or worse still a cloth shop by your mum or you better half or whatever and did not know how to kill those million hours when your women folk forget you exist and fall in love with those saris and those many named jewels?<br />Well as a kid I went around playing or chatting with the watchman but a couple of days back I guessed it would look to awkward for a guy 6 feet to inches to jog around playing catch-catch.<br />I sat down with dad and granddad and we spoke about this and that and the unfortunate species that is men.<br />This was a discussion between three generations mind you and yes there was a rich exchange of ideas. I ve always silently observed this phenomenon of trends repeating and a perfect example of it was that my grand dad and me never had a mustache..ma granddad because Brahmans should never have one and me because I thought it was cool. My dad being the slow learner that he is (CA 1st attempt 16th rank) realised this only about a week back.<br />Someway, the convo lead to shaving and my dad made an interesting observation. Now its a common knowledge among men-folk that the skin becomes rougher and rougher because of shaving, and CA asked me why his skin between the lips and the nose (yea you guessed it where the mustache once was) was rougher than the rest of his face. After all he had shaved it once in his life.<br />The experienced moustache shavers grandpa and me explained to him that the mush part of the face is a lot more hyper and grows hair a lot faster and so is inherently rougher.<br />We went on to discuss how its a pain to shave the mush stub as there are many a purturbations in this part which deter efficient shaving and also discussed various methods.<br />It was such a surprize to realise there was so much to shaving which men had not come forward to discuss, you see men seldom discuss their problems in the open and hence seem like they dont have problems at all.<br />Slowly some more jobless dads sons and grandpas joined our group<br />1)they were jobless<br />2)this was an interesting topic<br />and I was quick to point out how there was so much to discuss about beards.<br />In fact we soon found out how the beard made each one of us remember some particular occasion in life..ranging from a failed love affair or a particular bad shaving day or even something like....<br />read on ;)the perfectshade of bluehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16794537333692926505noreply@blogger.com3