the last days

http://edition.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/meast/03/27/hussein.journal/index.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saddam_hussein
might help before reading this entry.

Head of the Arab world, millions of lives dependent on a nod from me, a year later in a cell VIC is my nick Very Important Criminal - wait a minute I still am the president of Iraq. At least that's what I tell my guards.

Painful relief is all I can say, months of running and hiding, at the mercy of countrymen sometimes death is a lot more sweeter.
I do concede I've learnt a lot about life in these days of confinement that I ever did as a world power. Pardon me if i speak philosophy, when you have a week to live, trust me every minute gives you new meaning.

I was captured on this cloudy night I was too scared to fight, I admit, I let down my men I should have died valiantly like my sons, that day the illusion of the valiant lion metaphor that even I believed in came crashing down.

Those days as a fugitive, agony, shock and bafflement at what people actually thought of me.
I was not a Gandhi, nor was I even a Nasser who I modelled myself on, but I certainly wasn't selfish, I worked within my conscience.
Born in a middle class peasant household, I grew up in penury. The means to reaching the top might not have always been right, but the end?
Iraq was the only country not ruled by sharia law, the most liberal towards women, Iraq had free education schemes, Modernisation, oil for food program, WHAT NOT, i obviously believed people loved me. You cant blame for that also you know, as every time it happens in history, I was surrounded by people who would do anything for my notice all that I heard was that I was the most benevolent, the beloved leader and you couldn't think otherwise from my office in Baghdad, there were statues of me, cut outs kids being named Saddam, I mistook fear for affection.
Ruling an Arabic nation is not a joke, and mine was really tough, you see there were the Kurds to the north, they would panic at the mention of Arabia, and guess where they were living?
And then there were the Shias who opposed in the name of blasphemy any modern move I took. I did have to use my iron hand sometime you see if I hadn't I would have been killed and yes I do love my life. You would probably relate to me if you were Muslim or were even familiar with the stories of Muslim kings. You would probably realize I was the ruler under whom there was maximum stability, under whom the country flourished, under whom The Persian gulf was at its zenith.
At least that's what I thought. Now how is Iraq better off? I gassed Kurds for trying to assassinate me, Bush air strikes them. Is it more fun to be air struck? Is it more fun to live under a foreigner than under a thoughtful father who cared for his kids,but i do agree;went over the top st times?

peace

Ok, 3 days for my execution, things become a lot more clear, I love my people I love my Iraq, I misused my power, I was selfish sometimes, ok I went astray. Genocide was clearly atrocious, but absolute power corrupts.
Hey, and I've been tending on a flowerbed this past week, never had time for all this, outside the green uniform life has been quite a treat. Probably for the first time ever, I've thought and reflected on my life. Sixty years, so many occasions of feeling on top of the world, kids, grandsons, concubines, power, it never got boring. And then to make amends for all that a cruel death, a mockery of a trial and death like an anonymous.

not so peaceful

OK finally the day has come, death of a seen-it-all man, a patriot who didn't know how to prove it. I ask Allah if he's happy with me, if I've lived a purposeful life, I've done so much for Iraq, yet gauging by how the people are so happy today I guess they think they would be happy without me. They prefer getting annexed to the West, being puppets,then so be it. I found something for people to learn from my life.
How not to live it.
Miss me